Friday, July 13, 2018

How to deal with the half-empties

          " The lonely become either thoughtful or empty. "
- Mason Cooley



        When we meet someone for the first time, we rely on first impressions to assess their personality and oftentimes, the results vary from good to awkward to just plain dry wit.  I think the most basic types of people are the glass half-full or the glass half-empty.  Some can be a ray of sunshine when they walk inside a room while some bring the gloomiest vibes fit for the darkest of humors.  The rays of sunshine are already a breeze to get along with.  Hence, I'd rather focus on the half-empties.


           So. how do you deal with the half-empties?


        The trick is to find out if they want inclusion or space.  Based on my experience, there are two things you can do about them. Either try and include them carefully and sensitively in activities and events fit for them, or, simply allow them the space and silence to recharge alone, then come back for them once you feel they're a full tank. It makes all the difference when the right kind of love language is used.


       Take me, for example. I prefer to be left alone sometimes when the vibes are no longer conducive and healthy. I retreat to my own corner with books, music, cooking and inventing recipes, or would immerse myself in British culture because unknown to many, I've had a fetish for the Brits since childhood. I've wished to be English after watching The Parent Trap (starring Lindsay Lohan) and crazily imagined what it would be like if I had the life of Annie Parker in the movie (not the musical). I love the country, the culture, the food, the Grant, the Potter, the Rowling, the Little Mix, the Nigella, the Sherlock, the Cumberbatch, and that bloody accent of theirs. This is a dangerous hole to dive in with me so let's move on.


       There are, however, the exceptions to the rule.  Meaning, leaving them alone drives them nuts.  They thrive off on gaining everyone's attention constantly.  Having the crowd follow their every whim gives them satisfaction and, I guess, assurance.  Personally, those are the kind that drains the bejesus out of me so I tend to stay away from them to protect my zen but what else can you do if you happen to be surrounded by them, right?  Well, prayer helps a lot that the heavens may grant you patience as long as the Nile and as bountiful as a full on Thanksgiving dinner on steroids.  It also takes a great deal of maturity to understand and handle difficult half-empties.  Tough love can be painful to give but if required, you've got to stand your ground even if it means standing alone.  Being understanding and giving chances is one thing.  Condoning abusive and manipulative behaviour is another.


        I remember how eaten up I used to be with all the half-empties I've encountered.  I used to worry so much and get immensely affected by words that shouldn't even have scratched my surface.  With time and age, and lots of beer, I've learned to manage my expectations of people so what used to tear up my heart to bits merely poke me now.  Insults, however said or done, are nothing but noise.  They're junk mail that should be sent straight to trash once you see it.  They're just virus that get past your firewall every once in a while.  They're those annoying pop-up ads that deserve to be blocked.  Don't bother feeding the trolls.  Don't give them power over your thoughts, your peace, or your heart.  No one is allowed that role except for the ones that make you believe in rainbows and the ones who know how to appreciate a good cup of joe.  They're the best kind. xx

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Questions

Healing. Acceptance.
Two words I have yet to understand.
Can time really heal the wounds?
Does it start with a helping hand?

Will forgiveness come naturally
like in a year or two?
Or will it take a lifetime and the next
to live with something I can never undo?

Will I ever be vindicated
or will I remain misunderstood?
Will their lies remain in power
while my truth kept hidden from view?

Must I always be judged without fair trial?
Must it always be a one-sided jury?
Must money and profession always overrule
what the heart and conscience once used to fuel?

When all you did was make it work
but all he did was grow berserk.
You tried to nurture and put up with what's left
but he turned away and gave more somewhere else.

And while all his short-comings were passed on to you,
You took the punches with credit you're not even due.
Even then, you're still to blame they all say.
You put yourself in this mess, girl.. You chose to stay.

So what happens now?
What lies ahead for this messed up wreck?
What kind of ending awaits?
Maybe Ralph could help me out here.
Will Fix-It-Felix teach me some of his tricks?

Sunday, August 24, 2014

Happy Birthday, Dad..

" I know you're in a better place
but I wish that I could see your face
I know you're where you need to be
Even though it's not here with me... "


          It's been 8 years since you left but I can never get over the fact that you're gone.. For good, this time.  I know I must be happy that you are peacefully at rest now.  You no longer have to endure the hospital tubes and constant injections you hated very much.  We don't need to stay up all night as well or make the hospital our second home.  And no one has to think of excuses anymore for the cashier to believe the FHM magazines were not for us.  Yes daddy,  I knew about those "secret books" hidden in the last drawer.  And no dad, I never would've guessed those were yours.  Hahaha!


            I wish I could turn back time and be the little princess you used to call me.  The Little Miss Bacood you always gave a crown, wand, and jewelry to complete the ensemble because you knew I loved seeing myself that way in front of the mirror.  I remember how Mama got so mad at first that one time she saw me putting on make up with her beauty kit but laughed it off after I explained how I was just making myself pretty for my daddy.  I remember how I persistently forced Mama to scoot over and let me be beside you in bed, only to wake up an hour after bedtime with your very, very, loud snore blasting my eardrums away.  Mama must have really loved you to withstand the force all night dad, no offense. =D


            Today, you should've turned 59.. Sayang daddy, kaya ko na mag-red horse ngayon. Makakasabay na sana ako. :))  Although Mama would have never allowed it.  On this birthday year, however, I will choose to remember the good times I had with you.  I choose to reminisce on the moments I felt very happy and lucky to be your daughter.  Having you as a father meant I was able to spend my elementary and high school years in good, private schools.  I was able to have Sunday dinners with you in restaurants with above average service.  I got to bike across CCP complete with the training wheels and elbow pads that made me feel like such a badass biker.  Oh, the fun of being a child geek. B)


            Never a day goes by without me wishing you were still here.  That what happened with our family never took place and there was no need to battle out everything in court and in countless lawyers' offices.  I never wanted to feel that way about you.  Nor did Mama.  Especially Mama... She was the only reason you were still able to keep us within earshot.  To be honest, the pain is still in us Dad.  In me.  I find it so hard to accept and believe the truth about our family.  I can't help but run and hide when I remember how I was kicked out of place.  I can't help but cave and sit in a corner when I try and fathom how you replaced us so quickly..  You were my superhero dad.  All I needed was to know I was also your princess and I was still in your heart.   Because I was a real big Daddy's girl.  You just cut me out a bit too fast to notice.  Look at that, I said I will choose to remember the good stuff.. But I guess the pain and confusion doesn't melt away that easy now, does it...


            Anyhow dad, it all boils down to how much I miss you, really.. And how I would love for us to be father and daughter again the normal way.  I miss you when days get way out of hand for me..  I miss you when a particular guy keeps taking me for granted and never sees my heart the way he should.. I miss you when I need a man to protect me and stand up for me and my daughter... I miss you daddy.... I so damn do.  Happy Birthday wherever you are.... All my love to you....


Monday, July 28, 2014

Too much pressure at such awkward stage of youth
I wish I didn't have to deal with it but I have no choice but to face the truth

Suffering the consequences of others' mistakes has brought immense achings to this naive heart

Never in my wildest dreams have I imagined that these vexes could tear me apart

If I could undo the damage, I would but it is simply too late, I've ended up misunderstood

Tainted and broken with nowhere to go

My grip has now weakened, causing me to let go

The joy I used to have are now lethal illusions of destruction

A life of timorous ordeals with no road to recovery

I guess that's how it was meant for me

Huling Paalam

Ngayong nagpaalam na, hindi alam kung san magsisimula
Mga alaala'y muling nagbabalik
Sa twing nasasabik sa yakap mo't halik

Kung mapagbibigyan lang ng Maykapal
Ang makita kang muli ang tanging dinarasal
Mailap mang mangyari ay umaasa parin
Nagbabakasakaling mapagbigyan ang hiling

Hindi man nagkasundo at madalas nagkatampuhan
Ika'y minahal at mamahalin pa magpakailanman

Hindi rin man naging maayos ang ating huling sandali
Ito'y itatago at isasantabi hanggang sa tayo'y magkita muli

Sa ngayon siguro, masaya't kuntento ka
Sa bago mong tahanang paraiso sa ganda
Isa lang ang pakiusap, kung pwede lang sana

Mga pinagdaanng away ay kalimutan na
Mga mapapait na salita ay itapon na
Masasayang napagsamahan nalang ang tandaan
Lalo na ang mga ngiting bihira kong nasulyapan