#mothersday2019

Some facts I've gathered about motherhood:

1.) Negotiation is your most powerful arsenal.  Polish it for best results.  They will always find their way out of (or in) anything, make sure you are your best lawyer.

2.) There is no kid so thirsty, so hungry and so curious as a kid told to get ready for bed.  Extend patience for sanity's sake.

3.) No coffee could ever match your kid's energy so go decaf.  You'll sleep better.

4.) As tempting as it is to scream when something breaks or gets lost, their eyes are more important.  Keep them tear-free.  Anything bought can easily be changed while anything raised can never be replaced.

5.) It'll rain a hell lot of No's more than Yes's.  And that's okay.  It's part of making sure the little ones don't grow up to be self-indulged assh*les.  The world will thank you later.

6.) Laugh.  A lot.  Laugh at the fart jokes, the unintentional mess, the sugar rush induced hyperkid running around and climbing on your back, the brainfreezes, the made-up words from their own dictionary, the most absurd video requests, the endless talking voice in the background as you try to watch tv or read a book, the monkey clinging to your legs, just laugh and take in all the silly.  They are only young once.

7.) Speaking of monkeys, monkey see money do is so true.  Be wary of your actions and words around them.  They. Absorb. Everything.

8.) Your bag is no longer your bag.  It becomes everyone's luggage and yet, your job alone to carry.

9.) Always keep emergency beer in the fridge at all times.  Beer is the new (adult) bandaid.

10.) There simply is no one way to parenthood.  Each anecdote is unique so whatever your journey is, happy sailing!  May the force, the odds, the infinity stone, the tesseract, and the wet wipes be strong and all work in your favor! 🦸