" I know you're in a better place
but I wish that I could see your face
I know you're where you need to be
Even though it's not here with me... "
It's been 8 years since you left but I can never get over the fact that you're gone.. For good, this time. I know I must be happy that you are peacefully at rest now. You no longer have to endure the hospital tubes and constant injections you hated very much. We don't need to stay up all night as well or make the hospital our second home. And no one has to think of excuses anymore for the cashier to believe the FHM magazines were not for us. Yes daddy, I knew about those "secret books" hidden in the last drawer. And no dad, I never would've guessed those were yours. Hahaha!
I wish I could turn back time and be the little princess you used to call me. The Little Miss Bacood you always gave a crown, wand, and jewelry to complete the ensemble because you knew I loved seeing myself that way in front of the mirror. I remember how Mama got so mad at first that one time she saw me putting on make up with her beauty kit but laughed it off after I explained how I was just making myself pretty for my daddy. I remember how I persistently forced Mama to scoot over and let me be beside you in bed, only to wake up an hour after bedtime with your very, very, loud snore blasting my eardrums away. Mama must have really loved you to withstand the force all night dad, no offense. =D
Today, you should've turned 59.. Sayang daddy, kaya ko na mag-red horse ngayon. Makakasabay na sana ako. :)) Although Mama would have never allowed it. On this birthday year, however, I will choose to remember the good times I had with you. I choose to reminisce on the moments I felt very happy and lucky to be your daughter. Having you as a father meant I was able to spend my elementary and high school years in good, private schools. I was able to have Sunday dinners with you in restaurants with above average service. I got to bike across CCP complete with the training wheels and elbow pads that made me feel like such a badass biker. Oh, the fun of being a child geek. B)
Never a day goes by without me wishing you were still here. That what happened with our family never took place and there was no need to battle out everything in court and in countless lawyers' offices. I never wanted to feel that way about you. Nor did Mama. Especially Mama... She was the only reason you were still able to keep us within earshot. To be honest, the pain is still in us Dad. In me. I find it so hard to accept and believe the truth about our family. I can't help but run and hide when I remember how I was kicked out of place. I can't help but cave and sit in a corner when I try and fathom how you replaced us so quickly.. You were my superhero dad. All I needed was to know I was also your princess and I was still in your heart. Because I was a real big Daddy's girl. You just cut me out a bit too fast to notice. Look at that, I said I will choose to remember the good stuff.. But I guess the pain and confusion doesn't melt away that easy now, does it...
Anyhow dad, it all boils down to how much I miss you, really.. And how I would love for us to be father and daughter again the normal way. I miss you when days get way out of hand for me.. I miss you when a particular guy keeps taking me for granted and never sees my heart the way he should.. I miss you when I need a man to protect me and stand up for me and my daughter... I miss you daddy.... I so damn do. Happy Birthday wherever you are.... All my love to you....
